I’ve Always Been Single on Valentine’s Day, Here’s What It’s Taught Me

Being alone has its perks.

Despite being a hardcore lover girl (a rom-com hates to see me coming), I’ve always been single on Valentine’s Day. Thanks to terrible decision making and plain old bad luck in the dating department, I’ve never had a long term partner. At 31 years old, I often feel out of step with my peers because of my long-term singleness. My therapist and friends tell me I’m not the only woman in her early thirties in this predicament, but this knowledge doesn’t make living through it any easier. So, when the yearly day of love rolls around, it’s hard not to view it as a painful reminder that I’ve never been with someone in a serious capacity.

As much as I know it’s mostly just a commercial holiday, it’s also a day I’ve seen those around me celebrate in sweet and wholesome ways. Hearing about these genuinely romantic celebrations has, I’m ashamed to admit, always elicited some sadness. I’m happy for my partnered friends, but that doesn’t eradicate the pain I feel from never experiencing it myself. Over the years though, being single on Valentine’s Day has taught me a few things.

Friendship love is just as important as romantic love

If you’re anything like me – and if you’re reading this article, I’d wager we have a few things in common – your friendships, particularly your close female ones, are the biggest support system in your life. It’s these friendships that will likely outlast any of your romantic relationships (if you’re doubtful, just take a look at the divorce rates. My closest friendships have lasted longer than many modern marriages). I almost always have some sort of ‘Galentine’s’ get together with my close friends on Valentine’s Day, whether it’s a dinner at someone’s house, an abundance of cocktails and gossip at a cute wine bar, or just going to the movies.

My single (and some partnered) girlfriends are always keen to do something together to celebrate our love for each other, and these outings always serve as an important reminder that friendship love is just as important as romantic love. This year, a group of friends and I will be having some wines in the sun before heading to Laneway Festival. There’s arguably no better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than by watching one of my longtime favourite artists (Charli XCX, duh) with some of the best women in my life. It’s what Charli would want!!

Love and romance can be found outside of a relationship

Something else I’ve been surprised to discover is that love and romance aren’t only something you can find in (or with) other people. As TikTok taught many of us, you can romanticise your own life. The little rituals and practices you do each day, like lighting incense, making yourself an elaborate meal from your favourite cookbook, or using your gua sha with your fancy skincare – these are all small acts of love. It’s cliche, but like many cliches, there’s some truth to it.

Dating yourself is an active way to practise self love

This next lesson is an extension of the prior one, but being single every Valentine’s Day has given me a real appreciation for dating myself. I don’t just date myself on Valentine’s Day though – it’s a practice I engage in every couple of weeks. Usually, I’ll take myself on a solo coffee date to a cute cafe in Melbourne that’s situated right near a bookstore I adore. I’ll read whatever book I bring with me to the cafe, then wander to the bookstore to browse all the new releases. Afterwards, I’ll pop by Mecca and treat myself to a beauty product or even just spritz some perfume and get a free tester or two. Finally, I’ll pop across the road to the cinema I regularly frequent and see whatever movie my heart desires.

This ritual is never altered or cut short because of the wants or needs of someone I’m dating – it’s only about making myself happy. I’ve yet to meet someone who I’d happily ask to join me on this date, and maybe the solitude is what makes these dates so enjoyable. The pace is slow and meandering and I’m getting to do exactly what I want, without worrying about whether my date likes the film I’ve chosen or is bored ambling around the bookstore for an hour. Dating yourself lets you gain a deeper understanding of what fills your cup, and allows you to actively practise self love, which is only going to enhance your relationship with yourself and your overall quality of life.

Valentine’s day can be whatever you want it to be

Look, I’m not going to pretend that being long term single and never being on the receiving end of a romantic gesture on Valentine’s Day is a walk in the park. Sometimes my singleness can be deeply painful and sad, but it can also be fun, exciting, and empowering. Valentine’s Day doesn’t need to be depressing and disheartening, either.

Love comes in so many forms – familial, friendship, self-love, the bond you have with your pet – and you can spend the day celebrating whatever form of it is in your life right now. Also, I firmly believe there’s nothing chicer on V Day than sitting in a bar solo and reading a book with a glass of wine in hand. It’s mysterious and cool, and never fails to make me feel like the sophisticated adult woman I dreamt of being when I was younger.